Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
