I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
