It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
