new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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