It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
