My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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