At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
