i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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