We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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