I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
