You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
