You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
