and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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