She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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