I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
