Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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