did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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