At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
