i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think your dad took our porno
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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