I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
