im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
