He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
