just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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