i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
