After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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