you traded sex for a burrito?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
