its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
