Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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