need another drink. this is the easiest way
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
lol hangovers are for mortals.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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