she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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