she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
