Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
We had sex on a dog bed..
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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