I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
