so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
