I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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