Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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