She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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