your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
