a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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