6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
