I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
