I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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