Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
