shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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