I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I love you. Go after that dick
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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