Me. At least after what I've been through.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
