How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
