i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
