why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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