Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
