She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
