I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
