Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
