Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
